Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
