If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
