I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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