I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
