this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
