he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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