alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He shit in the fireplace
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
