Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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