So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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