So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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