Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Holy shit dude........stairs
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