Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
