I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
