I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My first STD was from a foam party
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
