I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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