it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
