dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
