yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
