And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
