I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize