there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
