So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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