not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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