I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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