Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
