I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
