Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
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No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
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for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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