you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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