he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
