If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
