I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
