As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
love makes seman taste better
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
