The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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