My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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