I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
soo... how was my night?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
