well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize