so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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