She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
