no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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