Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
