Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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