Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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