Redeem this text for a blowjob
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
