I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
