I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
