yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
