And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
