what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
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Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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