I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
