I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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