The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
