At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
