she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize