his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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