You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
