dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
