Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
