What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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