she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
