We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
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