rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
