none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I need to stop coming to work sober
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
