ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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