I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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