I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
