A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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