he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
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He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
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we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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