Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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